When did the world go crazy?

I need an Amanda day. I need a day all to myself where I get a massage, my nails done, my make up (done well, that is), eyebrows waxed, fiance loving, etc.

This all is getting ridiculous.

1. Don't talk about me behind my back. It just gets back around to me eventually and then you look like a total asshole.

2.Just ignore/delete shit you don't want to see. That's what I do. If I don't like it, or if I think it's stupid I delete it. There's no need to go all wonky over a facebook or myspace application. Come on now. PEACE PEOPLE PEACE.

3.I'm so tired of CRAP. Tonight was the diarrea frosting on the shit cake that was this week. I need to not have to talk a friend down from doing drugs or killing themselves for a hot minute. Give me a month or two to sort my stuff out, PUHLEASE.

4. I hate people who cannot have an intelligent arguement. When I say, "You are a chauvanist pig who has no idea what loyalty, honesty, faithfulness, and respect mean," and you retort with, "Are you fucking stupid? You're just an emo faggy bitch who posts middle-school shit on myspace. And your band sucks," who sounds middle school here?

My response?

"No, YOU are fucking stupid for thinking that you are anything but an ugly ogre of a man that looks like Shrek and acts like a sixteen year old. You're a waste of the salt it took to make you. Lose this number."

Your response?

"Lose your fucking life, bitch. Enjoy your "small town" existance."

Me?

"I actually like my life pretty well, so I don't think I'll lose it anytime soon. I'm sorry that your existance is so unfulfilling. I actually don't live in a small town anymore. I live with my fiance in the city..who, by the way, is a good man and doesn't want to have sex with every girl in town. You don't know anything about me, and the last time you ever saw me or anything about me was three years ago. I grew up. Looks like you just got more ignorant."

You?

"Is he blind? You're a worthless piece of shit. You both are. Fuck off emo faggy bitch."

Me--Finally fed up with being called an emo faggy bitch.....

"Go fuck yourself off a cliff. I'll never be worthless because I have people who love me--something you will never understand. I'm sorry your mommy didn't love you, thus you take your hatred of women out on everyone with a vagina, but I'm not going to pretend that you scare me at all. Conversation is over, you can have the last word if it makes you feel like a big scary man!!

I might be an emo faggy bitch but at least I'm happy that way...."

I finally left it like that.

All this for defending a friend.

4. If ONE more person says that they are going to kill themselves and I have to talk them down I'm going to have a nervous breakdown.




Yesterday and last night were supposed to be a relaxing evening in which I got to chill out and not have to deal with anybody else's shit. I just turned into the worst night out of the whole past few weeks where I've been dealing with everybody's quarter life crisis for them. I finally lost it tonight. I was so angry that I started crying in the middle of the bar.

It's just that I was so pissed off at everything that I couldn't find words, just tears.

Second break down of the day.

I just want for once for someone to ask if I'm okay. Just once for someone to be grateful for the things I do to take care of them, instead of sorry when it comes down to this breakdown and they've put all their shit on me because it looks to them as if I have no problems.

I just know how to put on my big girl panties and deal with it.

I need a day to fix myself. Just for me. I need to be around people who won't give me shit to deal with, I need to be in a place where I can just breathe fresh air and feel the sun on my face, I need to feel like there is a place for me to go with people who care about me where I can just be...

JUST BE.

Maybe this next week.

I think Molly is going to end up married to Alan. I'm not sure why I think this, I just do...

God, it's been a crappy day.

Someone please tell me that I'm not the only one who has this problem!!?

Exhausted and it looks good on me.

Let me tell you about the ridiculousness that was tonight.

I got really bored and decided to go out and sing karaoke. I have this favorite spot to do this called Base Camp. Glorious little place. They have open mic night on Mondays and Tuesdays that I am too chicken shit to play at because I know everybody there and it could get really embarassing because I always fuck up my own shit. There's nothing worse than that as far as embarassment.

In any case, on Wednesdays and Thursdays they have karaoke with my buddy Jeff who runs it. Kamikaze Karaoke..Cheesy, but it makes for great entertainment when he picks a song for someone to sing that is totally beyond the person singing.

So I went out with my buddies Johnny and Jarod, met up with Dan and Rodderick. LJ was bartending and everything was right with the world. We do this thing where we pick a theme and see who wins. Tonight was a Top Gun-off, an emo-off, Elton John-off, Country-off...I won the emo-off, but the others I'm not sure. It was pretty fabulous. At one point I sang "The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia" by Reba McIntyre. I won that one I know.

Halfway through the night these two guys walk in. One looks like Peter Frampton circa "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band" the movie with the Bee Gees..and the other looked lik Sunshine from "Remember the Titans"...Both were dressed like they were from Sweden via Australia-very buff, very pretty and oiled down looking. I asked them why they were dressed like that and "Peter Frampton" says, "We walked here."

I said, "From where? Switzerland?"

He said, "Montevallo".

That is a place that is about a forty five minute drive from here...Crazy kids.

So I asked "Sunshine" why they would do such a crazy thing. He said, "Life. You get a job and you go to work and that becomes your life. That's not life. So we went for a walk."

I was like, damn. That is fucking cool. Now, don't get me wrong "Sunshine" was a fucking douche who has supermodel good looks, is ripped like paper, tan, blonde, and blue eyed. What I call "Hitler's Dream". But the looks this guy gave were so ridiculous. Had I been single and naive I might have fallen for it. In my current state, however (jaded as fuck), I was laughing hysterically at him to his face almost.

Just before they left he leans forward and picks my pendant up. It's a silver cross with garnets..He asks, "What does this mean?"

Are you fucking kidding? I get the mysterious act, but jeez.

So I say, " I believe in God."

He just looked at me like I was the most interesting, alien being he'd ever seen...

I laughed my ass off tonight.

I'm listening to Mandy and it's reminding me I need to call my mom. I love my mom. She's the shit.

Jarod kept making THE funniest faces. He was trying to make the Billy Idol face and it just looked like he was an angry lumberjack..Oh, damn..It was sore funny.

There was another guy that came in and sang, "I Feel Good" by James Brown...AWFUL person. One of those ugly guys who thinks they're the be all and end all and is bouncing around like an idiot. If I'd rolled my eyes any harder they would have popped into the back of my skull. There were these two girls...Bless their hearts they were trying...But they knew too many Cindi Lauper lyrics, and to many Michael Jackson lyrics...I'm talking obscure shit.

I, too, wish I hadn't missed the 80's, but come on.

All around it was a fantastic night of goofing off, being stupid, getting all the attention--cause I can get drunk on that alone--and generally causing an uproar.

There is this girl that goes in there all the time..Last week for my birthday we went in there to hang out and this girl was there. Nothing unusual. We had been playing pool and were sitting next to the pool tables when our game was over. She kept bending over and sticking her ass in Jake's face and I was getting pissed. Finally she moved.

Jake had a dream about her last night and told me about it when he got up.

We were at Base Camp, same senario. She come up to him and starts hitting on him and he says THIS in his dream:

"Let me see if I've got this straight, Barbie. You peaked too early, and at the rip old age of fourteen you learned to sling leg. You are way too skinny, but I just saw you wolf down a cheeseburger and immediately run to the bathroom, and I'm pretty sure you aren't the gym type girl. So now whenever you look in the mirror you see a bolemic whore who has to boost her self esteem by trying to get with every taken guy at the bar?"

While he's telling me this story I'm very proud and super amused. He looks at me and says, "And you were making that face!!"

Tonight when she walked in the bar I choked on my vodka and nearly fell out of my chair laughing my ass off. I think I scared a few people, but who cares.

This song is super underated. "All for Love" by Ryan Adams, Rod Stewart, and Sting.

It's really fucking good, but gets over looked for "Everything I Do" from the Robin Hood:Prince of Theives soundtrack.

Shame shame shame.

I got "My Alcoholic Friends" dedicated to me to night. Highlight of my evening seeing the faces on folks when it got to "I'm taking back the number of the beast cause six is not a pretty number."

For some reason it's astonishing.

I love Amanda Palmer. It's a total bummer for me that she's famous cause I wanna be her best friend. I just think she's the shit, and she sings like me and writes what I wish i could fucking write.

It's that way sometimes. You hear a song and go, "Damn I wish I'd written that!!!" And then you feel unaccomplished and go write a series of songs that if you put them together JUST NEARLY match up to the one that inspired your writing binge.

Does anybody else remember the Sleeping Beauty musical with Morgan Fairchild in it? I just found the movie on youtube in parts and I had totally forgotten it's magic spell. I was the red faery from that movie for Halloween when I was seven.

I just realised that I had a very magical childhood. I had faeries and wisteria vines, swimming and and open field to run in. I had a great kidhood. It was awesome. In my mind there were way more hedge mazes and brick roads than there actually were, and me and my best friend weren't ACTUALLY mermaids. Or were we?

I can't wait to move to the country. I'm going to make sure that our kids never ever are bored.

I'll hide treasure in the woods or I'll hang crystals for the girls to play in.

It's going to be fantastic.

Well, I think it's time for me to head to bed. When my body starts to wear down like it is and I yawn more than twice in fifteen minutes it's time to throw in the towel.

So good night, and I'll see you later today.

So here I am.

I'm suddenly blogger queen. I've got my livejournal that I've had since I was fifteen and I now have this one. Sometimes it feels really good just to start something new where no one knows you and be totally unoffiliated.

So, bit of background so that all my stories are understood.

I just turned twenty three on the 22nd of this month. I'm engaged and our wedding is in October. My fiance's name is Jake and he is a radiographer. I'm the lead singer of a band that is currently on hiatus, and I have my own side project that I'm working on. I've played piano/keyboard since I was nine years old. I love music that is audibly interesting--lyrically, melodically, etc. I like to take photos and I like to play with them in photoshop.

I'm very honest and tear people to shreds when they cross me. I have a bad temper sometimes. I'm a borderline alcoholic...and I guess by acknowledging that fact I am not necessarily textbook alcoholic. I have some minor ocd tendancies, I just wish that it applied to my house.

I love stuff dealing with the paranormal, and I love to watch Ghost Hunters on Sci Fi.

I'm a history buff, I love literature, I love reading.

Well, now that you have the abridged story of whats going on in my life I think we're good.