Livid in the City

Sometimes I wish that there was some twenty-four hour hotline you could call just to bitch about things...Things that are so unimportant they are important...

I know that makes no sense.

I completely understand that men need porn. I understand that a male of 24 years old has the nearly unquenchable desire to have sex 24/7/365. I also understand that when anyone is in a relationship for longer than six months he may occasionally fantasize about someone else.

But you don't SAY their name. Especially not when you are in the middle of the best love making session you may possibly have ever had, or will EVER have.

I almost thought that I didn't hear it..It was the name "Jessica" and I thought, "WHAT? Who the HELL is Jessica?" and then I thought, certainly not. In the middle of kissing my forhead in the middle of sex..Surely it was just a groan, a different sounding groan...

And then this morning I was trying to upload some photos to photobucket and when i hit the upload button this box pops up with stuff that's saved on the computer. Now, mind you, he deleted all the porn he had off of the computer and all the hard-drives...So I'm like..Did he forget this? Was this accidental?

It was buried DEEP within a folder--which was in another folder, and then another folder, and then ANOTHER folder--and it was created, when, you might ask? Yesterday afternoon while I was asleep. I thought that he might have been on a porn site that downloaded it without him knowing...It opens with WINDOWS MEDIA PLAYER. Not to mention the fact that one of the pictures that popped up was of Emma Watson that someone edited to make her look all naked and I was the one who accidentally found it (I recently started reading Twilight and my FH suggested that I go to Rule 34 [If it exists there's porn of it] to see if there was, indeed porn of it and the picture was on the first page.)


There was porn of Jessica Alba, Nicole Kidman, and Halle Berry, of all people....and then when I was outside smoking in a rage, I realised....Jessica ALBA...HE WAS THINKING ABOUT JESSICA ALBA WHILE MAKING LOVE TO ME BETTER THAN HE EVER HAS!!!!!!!

I'm livid. I am furious. I have never been so embarassed in my life, and on top of all this my sex drive, which after that AWESOME sex was like over the moon, has now dropped down to -100%. I think..I'm a NUN!!! NUN!!! And NONE is what he'll be getting...

And I have no proof on if that is what he said or not, but it just makes to much sense!!

His only response to my informing him that they were there was, "What???"